7/13/2015

One week after America’s day where red, white, and blue dominated the country and fireworks exploded everywhere like the salmon of Capistrano, the Savage Gardeners took to the Alameda County softball fields in hopes of earning a shot at the promised land of the softball World Series.

Saturday’s tournament at the Regina George Softball Complex in Pleasanton was a World Series Qualifier Tournament – meaning that if the Gardeners won five straight games without losing, they would advance to the World Series in Las Vegas in mid-September. (Other scenarios of wins and losses could lead to a championship as well – we’re simply going with the most optimistic case.)

Nevertheless, despite their hot start at winning their first two games in the morning, the Gardeners struggled in the afternoon in the next two games, dropping them both, and leaving the complex waiting until next year to earn a trip to Vegas. Unless Dave Watters enters the World Series of Poker, predicts he’ll win it, flies everyone out to watch, does win it, then throws an H&B party at XS with David Guetta, Celine Dion, and 2 Chainz performing.

And no, H&B party does not stand for “Hookers and Blow party,” as expected in Vegas, but a “Hogwarts and Brooms party.” Which is kind of like a Friday night at the Phil Zackler/Alan Donner household.

Game recaps below:

GAME 1: GARDENERS 20, EAST BAY OUTLAWZ 4

With the 8:00am early start, the Gardeners played in one of the first games of the day with a resounding mercy-rule victory over the East Bay Outlawz, 20-4.

After Janis Ian’s and Gretchen Wieners’ duet National Anthem, capped off by a resounding standing ovation from the sold-out 41,503 fans in attendance, the Gardeners took the field as the home team not truly knowing what to expect in terms of the competition and the tournament in general.

Yet in the first, after pitcher Austin Bollinger got comfortable with the umpire’s strike zone, he pitched on point for the rest of the game as the Gardeners as well settled into their flow of masculinity and confidence in the field and at the plate. Bollinger struck out two batters in the first and gave up no runs in the second and third, paving the way for the Gardeners to feel loose with their bats and put up massive numbers.

The Outlawz scored four in the top half yet the Gardeners punched two back with the third baseman Watters’ getting on base then easily trotting home on cleanup batter and right center fielder David Huffman’s blast over the fence in center.

After Bollinger’s shutdown inning on the mound in the second, the Gardeners took the lead for good in the bottom half. With one out, outfielder Dan Ewbank tripled, Bollinger walked, and shortstop Joey Faber sacrifice-flied in Ewbank to bring it to 4-3. Now with two down, second baseman Phil Zackler provided the first of his five straight hits for the morning with a single that moved Bollinger to third.

Next up was the lefty slugger Kyle Kretchmer. Kretchmer batted in the eleventh spot in the lineup for three of the four games – clearly a mistake by the Gardeners’ manager as Kretchmer cleaned up for the day, going 8-for-10 (.800) and slugging 1.400, both tops on the team.

And with two on and two out now, Kretchmer launched out of the park the first of his two home runs of the day, putting the Gardeners up 6-4 and giving them the lead for good.

Bollinger’s shutdown third inning pushed the momentum further in the Gardeners’ favor leading into their at-bat, as they absolutely walloped the ball around to end the game early only after three frames.

In the third with two on and one out, Ewbank started the RBIs by doubling to left to score one. Bollinger followed with a double as well to score another as Ewbank moved to third. Now up 8-4, the Gardeners’ slew of hits came on strong like women to Zackler when he puts on Axe body spray. Faber tripled in Ewbank and Bollinger for two more; Zackler singled in Faber; Kretchmer and catcher/second baseman Brian King both singled as well to score another (Zackler), and the Gardeners were looking at a comfortable 12-4 lead at only 8:06am.

Shit didn’t stop there with the top of the lineup. Hersher walked to load the bases. Outfielder Nik Aurora behind him then doubled off the fence to score two more. Watters next doubled in Hersher and Aurora. Outfielder J.J. Warren singled in Watters, first baseman Dan Gatta moved Warren to second with a single, and Ewbank contributed another of his nine hits for the day with a double to make it 18-4. Bollinger then added a perfect topping to his stellar pitching by knocking a double to push Gatta and Ewbank across the plate. After this occurred, the Outlawz busted out the white flags in surrender, signaling capitulation and pleading game over.

GAME 2: GARDENERS 18, ROAST BEAST 16

Immediately after the game one easy victory, the Gardeners headed into the second game as confident as Tiger Woods in a Vegas club surrounded by groupies. Despite having the disadvantage of being the visiting team against Roast Beast, the Gardeners pounced early to ride a ten-run second inning to victory.

After Roast Beast took a 3-0 lead after one inning, the Gardeners in the top of the second crushed the ball for ten runs. Gatta’s and Ewbank’s leadoff doubles and Bollinger’s walk loaded the bases to start the inning. Faber picked up where he left off in the first game by doubling home Gatta and Ewbank. Zackler’s RBI single next and Kretchmer’s walk then loaded the bases again, this time for King. And as the bottom of the lineup tended to do in the early games, King came through hugely, smashing a grand slam over the fence in center to put the Gardeners up 7-3. They scored three more later in the inning and rode their ten-run onslaught downhill the rest of the way to victory.

Zackler and King added two-out RBI singles in the third inning while Hersher tripled home two more – also with two outs – to put the Gardeners’ score at 14-6 after two-and-a-half innings.

The enemy scored six runs in the next two innings to close it to 14-12 after four, yet in the fifth the Gardeners supplemented their total by singling in four more runs. Gatta’s leadoff double set the tone for Bollinger, Faber, Zackler, Kretchmer, and King to all single in a row, the latter four all producing RBIs to push the Gardeners’ lead to 18-12 heading into the final inning.

Nevertheless, Roast Beast put up a fight in their final at-bat, scoring four runs to make it 18-16, then putting two runners on with two outs. With the winning run at the plate, Roast Beast’s batter then hit a walk-off homer for the victory.

A victory for the Gardeners of course. Roast Beast had used up their two homers for the game; thus, this surplus homer was an out and the Gardeners walked off the field celebrating their opponent's walk-off homer.

[As a side note, both Gatta and Ewbank demonstrated their power in the game by homering for the Gardeners. Yet because of the max two homers rule already used up by the Gardeners in the game, both were unfortunately outs.]

GAME 3: CA MOB 19, GARDENERS 10

The home team Gardeners jumped out to a 7-4 lead after one inning yet couldn’t keep the momentum going to produce a third victory in a row. They only mustered three runs in the final six innings, falling 19-10 to CA MOB.

In the first inning, the Gardeners’ top of the lineup put up three runs. Later with two outs and the bases loaded, Faber launched a grand slam down the line into the seats in left. His shot was named the Cady Heron Drive of the Game and earned Faber the keys to a new Honda Accord with cool spinners and flames and shit. The slam was a key hit for the Gardeners – two outs, bases loaded – yet after that they couldn’t cull together up any more heroics.

Watters went 3-for-4 and also hit a homer, his first of two for the day. Huffman added two RBIs while batting 2-for-3 and adding a Web Gem-worthy diving catch in right center in the third.

GAME 4: MERICA 16, GARDENERS 8

Watters and Kretchmer both hit solo home runs, yet the Gardeners couldn’t capitalize on their opponent’s tiredness in the fourth game as they fell to Merica, 16-8. The Gardeners batted a measly .433 in the game, the only game in the tournament in which they batted under .500.

Down 7-5 after three innings, the Gardeners couldn’t stop Merica from scoring eight runs in the fourth to take a whopping 15-5 lead from which the Gardeners never recovered.

Ewbank doubled and had an RBI, adding to his team-high nine hits – and four doubles – while boosting his average to .750 for the day (9-for-12).

Faber in 11 plate appearances for the day totaled a team-high 12 RBIs while also leading the team in the most unselfish statistic of them all – sacrificial flies – with two.

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Stat of the Day:

1 of 48………Each Gardeners player has a first at-bat each game. The Gardeners’ players had 48 first at-bats for the day. (Twelve Gardeners players x 4 games = 48 first at-bats. For example, in Game 1, Ari Hersher’s first at-bat was a walk. In Game 2, his first at-bat was a flyout; Game 3 – double; Game 4 – single.)

For the team, only one first at-bat was a groundout. The rest were either hits, walks, or flyouts.